It's Only (My) Words

Melancholia

2011-11-24T03:20:00.005-05:00

(Written November 24, 2011, 3:32 am.)

Two drinks too short, two breaths too long.
Broken links in a chain of thought.
Found in the words of a long lost song.
Dropped by the reality once precariously caught.

The distance between fleeting smiles.
The pause of the punctuating frown.
All the inches that feel like miles.
All the ups converging to the ultimate down.

The eyelid heavy with culpable times.
One last ill-advised sip.
Tensing in memories of unforgivable crimes.
Relaxing in Melancholia's forgiving grip.

Silhouette

2011-11-22T01:43:00.003-05:00

(Written November 22, 2011, at 1:50 am.)

Your silhouette against the rising sun. The day has new meaning.

The night that has ended is forgotten in the past. The thought of your perfect body in a forgiven morning is a gift.

You may not see me, but I am the eyes that search for traces of you in the blowing wind.
You may not hear me, but I am the ears that hear all your languages.
You may not touch me, but I am the skin that is alive with the imagination of yours.
You may not know I exist, but I do. And I am revived to this world with your silhouette against the rising sun.

Bad Day

2011-10-04T13:53:00.003-04:00

(Written October 4, 2011, 1:55 pm.)

I want to walk across the warzone
Separating your life and mine.
I'll face the bullets of distant memories
And walk over mines in the spots where we once stood together.
I want to walk into the enemy territory
Of your life
So I can let you back into mine.
I want to come unarmed
Because I'm having a bad day
And I want to be with you.

Patterns

2011-09-23T03:17:00.001-04:00

(Written September 23, 2011, 3:17 am.)

The patterns of shadow on my ceiling conceal some hidden truth.

The day will come and wash it away.
The light will consume it, illegible, untraceable.

Then night will come again, with slightly different patterns.
And I will wonder if the truth has changed just a little.
Or if the Earth is just at a slightly different angle with the Sun, and the truth is just the same.

If I am the shadow that keeps shifting, and you are the truth concealed in me.

Moments

2011-09-23T02:49:00.002-04:00

(Written September 23, 2011, 2:45 am.)

Do moments fade into the pores of skin?
Are all of ours in your bones?
Do they creak uncomfortably as you move?
Do they sit silent and heavy as stones?

Do moments get sucked in with every breath?
Are yours and mine in your chest?
Do they ache with every in and out?
Do they cause unexplained unrest?

Are moments of us hiding in you?
Are they tethered to your insides, oh -
Because I am left wondering,
Where exactly did the moments go?

Puzzle

2011-09-23T02:48:00.001-04:00

(Written September 23, 2011, 2:40 am.)

Dice my body into thoughts I seek.
Rearrange them in the puzzle of your mind.
Show me the picture you see.

Untitled

2011-09-23T02:47:00.001-04:00

(Written September 23, 2011, 2:30 am.)

Brush me with a stroke of your finger
And scatter me in the passing air.
Break my skin and drain me out,
Rain my pieces on some part of you.

Lie your lesser love down somewhere
And bid it your unfondest goodbye.
Spread me in a circle around you
On a cracked earth,
And watch me rise and fall
With the gravity of your lips.

Grip my merest substance.
Let it drop.
Feel its steady breath falter.

Feed me your bitterest truth
And watch me swallow.

Sthir Si Raat

2011-09-23T02:45:00.001-04:00

(Written in September 2011.)

sthir se ek raat mein,
chanchal si ek yaad ne,
haath mera thaam ke,
atal si aavaaz mein
mujhe kaha:

tu yaheen pe theher,
main tehel ke aata hoon,
usko dhoondh laata hoon.

Dravid

2011-09-16T13:01:00.001-04:00

(Written September 16, 2011, 12:35 pm.)

Behind the Little Master and Dada,
Stood the handsome gritty Indian wall,
His body adorning the strength of patience,
And his bat welcoming every ball.
Relentless and tall his stature stood,
His talent a relic of cricketing grace.
Today, forever, he leaves the one-day pitch,
With raised bat and serene face.

Would You (2)

2011-09-15T01:06:00.002-04:00

(Written September 15, 2011, 1:00 am.)

Would you please bleed my heart?
Kill my most relentless part?
Flood me in Descartes?
Etch me in worthless art?

Would you please find my end?
Be a lover and broken friend?
Sometimes please and often offend?
Blind me with pretend?

Would you please blow me out?
Plot me on a lost route?
Pledge me to you devout?
Paint me in strengthening doubt?

Would you please breathe me in?
Extinguish me from within?
Fade my scars into my skin?
Carve me into unforgivable sin?

(Untitled)

2011-09-15T00:13:00.002-04:00

(Written September 14-15, 2011, over midnight.)

I am a little of you, wrapped in all that could,
I am a shadow at night, falling where you once stood.
You are all of me, wrapped in all that is,
You are the dancing light that casts me remiss.

I am the faded remnants on a canvas of old,
I am the inconsequential details of a story once told.
You are the artist that sketches anew,
You are the writer of life, and of love, too.

I am the pages of science once lingered on,
I am the torn hems of clothes once worn.
You are the learner of a hundred new books,
You are the smile unconcerned with looks.

I am the passion of a forgotten dance,
I am a lesson taught by fickle chance.
You are the rhythm and pitch of melody,
You are the experience of destiny.

Drive

2011-09-06T16:37:00.003-04:00

(Written September 1, 2011.)

City lights, seen from a highway
Shone upon the deepest part of a bluish sky,
The bluish night fading into a blackish sky,
The blackish sky fading into the edges of a world I once knew.

Beach

2011-09-06T15:28:00.003-04:00

(Written September 1, 2011.)

Each grain of sand a locked memory,
Each wave an unexpected key.
The games the beach and I play.

Love and Love

2011-08-22T16:11:00.002-04:00

(Written August 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm.)

i don't know if i'm in love with you,
i don't know if i ever was,
but i do know that i love you with all my heart,
and it gives me considerable pause
to ponder the lines between love and love,
to weigh my heart against yours,
and to hear your silences slowly drown
the simplicity of love's cause.

i may be, in a grieving way,
grasping at shredded straws;
i may be, in the shadow of loss,
rewriting love's laws.
but as surely as at winter's end
snow melts and frost thaws,
i love you with all my heart
and the rest is just because.

(Untitled)

2011-07-08T11:07:00.002-04:00

(Untitled)
(Written July 6, 2011, at 5:10 am.)

I breathe in the vapours of a nicotine stick,
You breathe in the vapours of a crazy chick.
I reach out in darkness for your salty skin,
You rise in me from deep within.

I touch your life or so I think,
You bring me to ecstacy's final brink.
I grab for the fading whispers of you,
You're gone before I ever knew...

Kiss

2011-07-08T11:06:00.000-04:00

Kiss
(Written July 6, 2011, at 5:07 am.)

With the kiss of your mouth on my ruined lips,
And the touch of your tongue on my broken heart,
I swallow life's final venomous sips,
As your infinite love and I finally part.

Exquisite

2011-07-08T11:04:00.001-04:00

Exquisite
(Written July 6, 2011, at 5:06 am.)

It's an exquisite sound to hear the paper crackle and burn,
As I suck in what I hope will be my last breath.
It's an exquisite pain to feel the earth slowly turn,
As I feel in every moment what I hope will be my last death.

Burning

2011-07-08T10:59:00.003-04:00

Burning
(Written July 6, 2011, at 5:01 am.)

And as I breathe each burning breath, the cigarette dies, and I live some more.
And all the pieces of love I have in store
Are covered in dust and a neverending goodbye.
So I breathe each burning breath and I sigh
To say you were once mine
And I was once thine,
And there ended a story of untrue love,
And there I began to fade into the heavens above.

With your fingers on my skin I came to a faltering life,
And with your fingers on another, I came to a faltering death.
And so I breathe, and breathe deep,
And wait for the smoking, burning, burning death.

Someday

2011-07-08T10:52:00.005-04:00

Someday
(Written July 6, 2011, at 4:55 am.)

someday
i'm going to walk
into [his] wedding
and [someday into his] wedding
and smile
until my jaw gives way
and crumbles
maybe then, then the rest of me will crumble will, too
and i will be one with the earth
that will soon be one with the sun
and i will go up in a flame of love
smouldering in pain and a final cry of lust
and the smoke will be final sign
of all i once felt
and all that i never will again

swallowed whole in a gulp of non-existence
vanished
and vanquished
forevermore
in the names of those i cannot forget

M&M

2011-07-08T10:50:00.002-04:00

M&M
(Written July 3, 2011, at 10:31 pm.)

There's something in the air tonight.
The stars are out of sight,
Shrouded by clouds.
Malbec and Marlboro,
My favourite M&M.
Is someone watching me?
Can anyone read the thoughts
Of a shattered soul
Peeking through an empty face?

In Conversation with a Friend (1)

2011-07-08T10:44:00.000-04:00

In Conversation with a Friend (1)
(Written in the course of a WhatsApp chat on June 18, 2011, around 1:00 am.)

Sound blocks thought, and thought blocks action,
Action is life's painfullest fraction.
Silence weighs heavy like lead on a vein,
And veins, when cut, can cut the pain.

Much TV to be watched, much brain to be ground,
Much love to be missed, much pain to be found.
Much Maggi to be eaten, much alcohol to be drank,
Much life to be forgiven, much death to be thanked.
Much red in my eyes, much black in my thought,
Much redness and blackness to be valiantly fought.
Much red in my thought, much black in my eyes,
Much blackness and redness in swallowed cries.

So many words, and yet not enough,
Poetry's most blasphemous bluff.
So many words, most kind, some rough,
So much life, all taut, all tough.
So many things and so much stuff,
Death bleached off life's white cuff.

Risking a fall is for those on the mound.
What fall to risk for those underground?

As much can be hidden as can fit in the soul.
Even light can't escape a blackhole.

5 more bottles and a carton to go,
A future to shed and a past to grow.
A present to wither and a moment to die,
A forever to be and a never to lie.

Rain (2)

2011-07-07T11:18:00.002-04:00

Rain (2)
(Written June 17, 2011, 6:27 pm.)

I want lightning, I want thunder,
I want rain and wish and wonder.

I want drops of hollow love,
To crash and pillage and plunder.

I want soggy, drenched hearts
To unbreak in blissful blunder.

I want the watered blue of you
To swallow me torn asunder.

Rain

2011-07-07T11:15:00.002-04:00

Rain
(Written June 11, 2011, around 6:00 pm.)

And suddenly,
I became aware of the rain on my own face.
A drop on my cheek,
A drop on my lip.
And I thought...
Would you even notice?
Would I be beautiful to you in the rain?
Was I ever?
Does a raindrop on my lip mean anything to you?
What about a raindrop on hers?

Parts of You

2011-04-20T20:38:00.003-04:00

(Written April 19, 2011, 11:30 pm.)

Do you remember the parts of you
You forgot to take as your hurried out?
I keep them on my window sill,
People often ask what they're all about.

I smile and cringe and smile and say,
They're mine for just these moments few,
You'll be back to claim them any day
To give them to someone new.

Some of me is drowning in wine.
A little of you is still mine.
And the more the wine gets through,
The less I think I have of you.

Sometimes when I'm looking away,
I could swear the sill slowly moves.
And I wonder then if my mind's at play,
And I wonder if some of you disapproves

That I still talk to the tiny slivers
Of you that you left behind,
That I still breathe the slightest shivers
Of things no longer in your mind.

So while some of me drowns in wine,
I know a little of you is still mine.
And I shudder as the wine gets through,
At giving up that little, too.

Silver

2011-04-16T16:10:00.001-04:00

(Written April 16, 2011, 4:00 am.)

I want to eat silver,
and chew on a grain of the past.
I want thought to end,
and never to forever last.

I want to bite into dust,
and split every grain.
I want a tactile welcome
into the essence of pain.

I want to consume the air,
so soggy with wet shattered dreams.
I want the nullity of life
to be as dense as it sometimes seems.

I want to swallow beauty,
and fade into a silent tick.
I want a second, a minute, an hour,
and a cruel merciful temporal trick.

I want the light you breathe
to be what I always see.
I want the kiss of your teeth
to be the final stroke of me.

Broken and Swimming

2011-04-16T00:40:00.004-04:00

(Written April 16, 2011, 12:30 am.)

broken and swimming
in pieces.
a mind floating passively
to the smoky abyss of the future.
a heart struggling to return
to the shore of the past.
each breath paid for
from a finite resource of bubbles
that rise
to the surface of the present.

broken and swimming
in little pieces.
a void carried along
by the current.
a memory of existence surging,
fighting,
by a fraying thread.
something like desire
trying to discover itself.

broken and swimming
in infinite particles.
the sand and the sea
lost
in each other.

(Untitled)

2011-02-23T17:51:00.000-05:00

(Written February 23, 2011, 12:20 am.)

Chop me into pieces, and pack me away,
For today is a day I do not want to face.
You can put me together some other day,
When life can offer some semblance of grace.

I am broken and dead, but can't seem to stop breathing.
You are the sun; you could hide me in you.
You can burn me alive until my heart stops teething
On this feeling of insecurity and darkness and gloom.

And if I were to vanish or disappear or cease,
I wonder the world wouldn't thank divine powers.
The timid termination of a toxic tease
Celebrated with cigars and whiskey sours.

Bryant Park Fountain in the Winter

2011-02-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

(Written January 24, 2011, 10:18 pm.)

The cold stupefies and mollifies.
The water smells of lullabies.
Some of it dries and some of it flies.
Some of it rests and some of it tries.
The ice codifies a whole body of lies.
The numbness is a bittersweet surprise.
The light breaks its darkest ties.
The air tastes of frozen goodbyes.

Together

2011-02-10T23:40:00.000-05:00

(Written February 10, 2011, 11:40 pm, at age 23.)

Together is overrated;
The you and the I were baited.
I try to be you and you try to be me,
And all we feel is catastrophe.
You leave and I think it's right,
Because I have sense and a friend by my side.
Then some conversations feel unwhole,
The silences clang and take their toll.
I shatter and I wonder if you even cracked.
I am steeped in all I always lacked.
You are distant, and I know I am glad.
I am confused at my panic and my sad.
How do I cut off the insanity?
How do I learn what it is to be me?
You are away and I am glad,
You are removed from the manic and the mad.
You deserved better, I always knew;
You deserved simple, honest and true.
I deserved passion, inexorable belonging.
I deserved it all, all of nothing.
So you are gone, and I am satisfied,
That though I am broken and have not cried,
You are not mine and are not meant to be,
You lacked the words and I lacked the melody.
If only I could break my thoughts apart,
I'd know you weren't ever in my heart.
Because you are you and I am me,
And together is utterly unnecessary.

Dibs

2011-01-06T11:35:00.000-05:00

(Written January 6, 2011, 3:30 am, at age 23.)

I stuck a knife in my chest above my ribs,
You dragged it in a circle, opened me up and called dibs.
I said what was there wouldn't be enough for you,
You said I could never fall short and you'd be mine, too.

I was a cynic and doubted too much,
You were rightly fed up with my tantrums and such.
I kept my cynicism but started letting go of the doubt,
You began smiling and said trust is what it's all about.

I started to love and started to fear,
You never knew because I never let you near.
I stepped out and did something wrong,
You said you no longer knew who I was all along.

I knew my stupidity had been as certain as a fact,
You said your heart didn't feel intact.
I said we'd get over what had been,
You didn't believe we'd get past the trauma of seventeen.

I asked you to give time a chance to heal,
You said time wouldn't change how you feel.
I started to beg and started to cry,
You tired of talking, then said goodbye.

I stuck a knife in my chest above my ribs,
You dragged it in a circle, opened me up and called dibs.
I was right when I said I wouldn't be able to keep you,
You were wrong when you promised me I would, too.

After a Bottle of Merlot

2010-12-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

(Written December 1, 2010, 9:20 pm, at age 23.)

Tears flow free,
And you are me,
And I am dead,
And all is red,
And my breath stops,
And my heart drops,
And I exhale,
And I fail.
And the gap
With your trap
Catches me,
And I see
That I need,
And I bleed
Between your teeth.
You are the wreath
Laid on my grave.
I am brave.
But I am dead,
And all is red.

After a Bottle of Riesling

2010-11-29T12:07:00.000-05:00

(Written November 27, 2010, 1:50 am, at age 23.)

A little peanut in my fingers,
A glass of wine on my breast.
A pain or few yet lingers,
A longing ache in my chest.

A furious burning behind my eyes,
A fighting freedom for the truth.
A suspended state of lethargic lies,
A wondrous waste of yawning youth.

A trap laid in full earnest,
A victim I knew to be me.
A delusion fully serviced,
A life allowed to be.

(Untitled thus far)

2010-06-01T18:33:00.000-04:00

(Written May 30-31, 2010, at age 23.)

I think in music,
I speak through dance,
I listen with my eyes,
And live by chance.

I taste in colours,
I sing in sighs,
I laugh in truths,
And cry through lies.

I breathe through touch,
I see through dew,
I cease in myself,
And am through you.

Words

2010-04-21T19:41:00.000-04:00

(Written April 21, 2010, at age 23.)

With words we break each others' hearts,
We hope the silences will mend -
Until the silences hurt even more.
Then with words we pretend
That a few pieces of our broken hearts
Found the strength of steel
And finally have the unadulterated courage
To tell each other how we feel -
Until we start to speak again,
And realize we're still in tattered parts,
And the only way to protect ourselves
Is with words to break each others' hearts.

Stupor

2010-02-11T16:57:00.000-05:00

(Written February 11, 2010, at age 22.)

In a semi-conscious, dehydrated stupor,
My mind wanders.
And finds, as it always does,
You.

Questions begin to take shape.
Answers shatter out of sheer disappointment.

I marvel at the nature of loneliness.
So hidden, so invisible,
It sneaks up and stuns me.
Stuns me into statuesque motionlessness.

Heart afraid to beat,
As it soaks this world in.
Eyes turning to glass,
As they leave this world.

Then I feel a beat and a blink.
And the hollow sculpture of me melts.
Into you.

Liberator

2010-01-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

(Written January 3, 2010, at age 22.)

I sit,
Back slumped.
I look,
At you.
I burn,
And I turn to ash.
Yet I breathe,
And talk
And laugh.
Lighter in hand,
Cigarette in mouth,
I see myself in both.

[The buzz:
A liberator.
You:
The liberator?]

Which Part?

2009-05-10T18:10:00.000-04:00

(Written May 20, 2009, at age 22.)

"which part of love do you love?"
the passion.
"which part of love do you hate?"
the sadness.

"which part of hate do you love?"
the passion.
"which part of hate do you hate?"
the sadness.

wherein lies the difference, then?
in actions alone?
because otherwise they feel the same.

Dance Alone

2008-10-16T21:42:00.001-04:00

(Written November 17, 2007, at age 20.)

i close my eyes and concentrate,
and listen intently for the slightest sob;
when i start to sense a rising weight,
i feel desperately for any beat or throb.
do i still call it a heart romancing,
or a heavy stone?

in finding failure on every course,
and letting tears openly flow;
in realizing in me a deep remorse,
and accepting my sorrow,
have i shrunk to self-lancing,
or have i so grown?

standing with a smile in a crowded lair,
each familiar face a single blink,
my favourite song pounding through the air,
the phony curve of my lips makes me think:
is the dance really worth dancing,
if i dance alone?

Explain

2008-10-16T21:40:00.002-04:00

(Written October 4th, 2007, at age 20.)

(1)
where are you?
i sit here and wonder,
where are you?
i need you to come,
come to me,
and explain.
explain what is happening.
i miss you.
that's fine.
but everything i wanted,
everything i wanted with you,
is right in front of me.
but nothing feels right.
nothing feels
the way it was supposed to.
what is happening?
i need you to explain.
where are you?
come,
and explain.
this mystery of life
baffles me so -
why i feel this way,
would you happen to know?

(2)
come, come back,
and explain to me
what i'm feeling
what it is i see.

it's all in front of me,
that i once wanted with you.
i just have to consent,
that's all i have to do.

but none of it feels right,
the way it's supposed to.
is it just because
it's not with you?

all the situations we
imagined being together in
i have them now
all around me they've been

the hours spent
at a stretch,
the study, the play,
the bliss, the wretch.

it's all here,
around me, waiting.
and i'm unmoved,
not loving, but hating.

none of it means
anything at all.
it doesn't feel big,
it feels strangely small.

is it all just because,
you're not the one it's with?
at the end of it all,
is that the pith?

if that's the case,
why aren't you here?
why are you so far?
and nowhere near?

come back,
and be the one
with whom these moments
don't come undone.

Across Empty Rooms

2008-10-16T21:40:00.001-04:00

(Written September 23, 2007, at age 20.)

across empty rooms
you sit
indifferent
to my faceless expressions.
engrossed
in a world
so much your own.
i am a stranger.

across empty rooms
you (don't) speak
to me
through the clattering of your keyboard.
your conversation
with someone else.
i am an outsider.

across empty rooms
i pretend
to be just as unaware.

across empty rooms
i try
not to wish
(for more).

across empty rooms
i fear
the echo of my pounding heart will be heard.

somehow,
across empty rooms
i want you to want me more.

my eyes fill with more than they see,
somehow,
across empty rooms.

Were You to Ever

2008-10-16T21:39:00.001-04:00

(Written September 16, 2007, at age 20.)

were you to ever close your eyes
what do you reckon you would see?
would it be just one person or many?
would any of them be me?

were you to ever purse your lips
what do you think you might feel?
would they tremble with unspoken thoughts?
would they remember me with tepid appeal?

were you to ever be close to me
what do you imagine the moment would hold?
would it offer us a second chance?
would you believe and cross love's threshold?

I Refuse to Accept

2008-10-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

(Written September 6, 2007, at age 20.)

i refuse to accept the passage of time,
as i sit here today, now, you are me

and like the road before me
that dips, then disappears into the darkness
our present dips, and our future disappears

but our past is as vivid
as the meaningless reality that fills my eyes

will you ever remember who i am?

Who Are You?

2008-10-16T21:37:00.002-04:00

(Written September 6, 2007, at age 20.)

who are you?

there, behind the silhouette of those mountains,
here, in the touch of my leather purse,
whispering through the raspy voice of Floyd,
walling me off from my friends around me,
who are you?

hanging, patronizingly in my long earrings,
brushing against my neck,
draped carelessly in my new dress,
cutting boldly down and hugging my breasts,
who are you?

with your hand clutched around my heart,
not the slightest bit tight, not a tad too loose,
refusing to let me be whole,
cradling me in incompleteness,
who are you?

sucking viciously at my throat,
taking each breath out of me,
making me live on the air you spare,
puncturing my lungs with your teeth,
who are you?

binding me with the sandal straps on my feet,
throbbing in the restricted blood in my toes,
reaching through my necklace into my cleavage,
cold, beautiful, between my breasts,
who are you?

making me someone other than who i and others know as me,
strumming every guitar note i hear,
here, so close, behind my eyes, watching me from the inside,
there, so far, in the nonchalant sky, ignoring me,
who are you?

Kaash Zindagi Maut Hoti

2008-10-16T21:37:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 20.)

kaash zindagi maut hoti
kaash aaj meri maut ki chaut hoti
shaayad kuch aankhon mein aansoo hote
shaayad aaj maut ki saut hoti
shaayad aaj koi mujhe pukaarta
shaayad aaj main laut aati
shaayad aaj dil behel jaata
shaayad aaj main vaapis na jaati
shaayad aaj phir tumhaari yaad bulaati
shaayad naach uthti phir main aaj
shaayad aaj phir tumhe soch
bhool jaati main har laaj
shaayad aaj kuch machal jaata
shaayad aaj koi khwaahish jagti
shaayad aaj jeene ki ichha hoti
shaayad aaj maut buri lagti

(For Bugaboo)

2008-10-16T21:33:00.000-04:00

(Written at age 20.)

ai humesha hansne waale
kabhi do boond aansoo girne de
zindagi ke husn pe kabhi
haqeeqat ka haath bhi phirne de

jab gire aankhon se aanso
yeh dekh kitne hain sametne vaale
jab aankhein kamzor hone lagein
dekh kitne nazar bhetne vaale

see not the weakness
but the strength in tears
for they stay not silent
but declare your fears

khaamosh si yeh os
tumhaare kaale patton par
kyon kare geela vaar
hum sookhe nihatthon par

poocho is paani se
kis nadi se aaya hai
kyon nadi ko akela chhod
tumhaari aankhon se lag aaya hai

apni kavita se baahar nikal
aur meri kavita me aake bas
khud ko dekh yahan se tu
ek nahin dil dikhenge dus

jise beemaari kehte ho tum
samjho woh kaisa hai ilaaj
jo socha na tha kal tak tumne
dekho woh socha hai aaj

My Last Breath

2008-10-16T21:29:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 20.)

and i willingly sigh my last breath away
as i remember your grip, your kiss, your sway.
in infinite moments of muffled thought
i am torn between words i borrowed and those i bought.

How Many

2008-10-16T21:28:00.000-04:00

(Written August 27, 2007 at age 20.)

how many times can a heart break
before it refuses to join?
how many different laments
can a crying heart coin?

Tere Jaane Ko

2008-10-16T21:27:00.004-04:00

(Written July 29, 2007, at age 20.)

tere jaane ko kya sitam kahein hum
tu nahin par teri saari yaadein humaari hain
teri soch har pal meri khoobsoorti badhaaye
teri har soch hi itni pyaari hai

Aasmaan Bhi Neela

2008-10-16T21:27:00.003-04:00

(Written July 29, 2007, at age 20.)

aasmaan bhi neela hone se inkaar karta hai
ab to is khaar laal ambar ke neeche jeete hain hum
humaari baahein jo tumne yun sooni kar di
apne bistar par teri yaadein seete hain hum

Dosti Ke Hone Ko

2008-10-16T21:27:00.001-04:00

(Written July 29, 2007, at age 20.)

dosti ke hone ko maanne lagi hoon main
ek ajnabi chehre ko pehchaanne lagi hoon main
woh chhip chhip ke to taake mujhe
par uske chehre ki lakeeron ko jaanne lagi hoon main

Teri Aankhon Mein

2008-10-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

(Written July 29, 2007, at age 20.)

teri aankhon mein rehti hai meri har udaasi
tu khole to yeh naye nazraane paayein
tu moonde to tere dhyaan mein ghulein
tu jhapke to teri palkhon se dhul jaayein

Lovers' Love

2008-10-16T21:25:00.000-04:00

(Written July 29, 2007, at age 20.)

Beneath skies so blue and clouds so white,
Trees so green stand and fight
Against the probing eye of passers by.
The winds sigh, and the grasses cry.

Mangled limbs reflected in windows;
Warm hands and curled toes;
Eyes as wide as the skies above;
Looking for lovers, or looking for love?

Roads stretch their unwieldy blacks.
Hands crawl up shapely backs,
Skin meets skin in careless caress,
Reasons blur as bodies press.

Infinite broccoli heads of trees stand guard
Over tombs silent, grey and hard.
Yellow flowers try to make them smile
In blooming grace and brightly style.

Vacuous Whole

2008-10-16T21:20:00.000-04:00

(Written July 22, 2007, at age 20.)

That solitary star in the sky
Watches me like your weary eye.
My lonely flesh burns and blushes;
The forbidden blood rises and rushes.

Stunned at the power your memory holds,
Morphing within its myriad folds,
I feel alive in the surging pain,
More alive than I ever will again.

The dark shadows of looming clouds
Swallow me whole, leaving no doubt:
That without you I am void of soul,
I am naught but vacuous whole.

Ramble in Upson

2008-10-16T21:13:00.000-04:00

(Written May 2007, at age 20.)

There are moments in life when your heart feels so heavy, you can hardly move. Even the strength to walk down a set of strairs seems like too much for life to demand.

There is a pain so real, so palpable, and so agonizing, that it is a wonder the people around you are not on the floor writhing.

Time feels like an unbearably huge price to pay for life.
And life too small a price for death.

Life.
And death.
Seem impossibly one.
And yet so, so , so very distinct.

You have to ask - why?
Why must I have the capacity to think?
And such a tremendous capacity at that.

The sheer depth of your potential is tragic,
because life will never let you achieve it.

You will never let you achieve it.

The mirror threatens to crack at beauty it cannot contain.

You threaten to crack.

Life is not so much a series of disappointments as it is a series of apologies - for being incapable of fulfilling the very capabilities it endows.

The numbness of your fingers, your toes, your arms, your legs, indeed any part of you that you become aware of. Except your heart. You feel it beat relentlessly, definatly. It thuds and pounds, and the cavity in your chest begs it to stop. It cannot handle the rhythm, the resonance, the rebellious red.

The life force is crushing.

The inevitability of pain laughs while you wince and contort.

Your body winces.
Your person contorts.

You feel different parts of your person bending, twisting, trying to ease the pain, to a find a less painful position.

But the only thing that happens is that the bending and twisting make you feel. Feel something. And feeling anything, anything at all, that...that is the end of you.

You crave a self-induced parallysis, a moment of release.
A moment of physical pain perhaps?

You crumble in a heap of life.

You wish corpses would walk by and slowly suck it out of you.
Slowly.
So you can savour the process of ceasing.

The mere process of thought - so ingrained in life - makes life unliveable.

The desire of illusional reality.
The desire of fog.
The desire of finding something to touch in empty air.
The desire to feel alive at the sense of touch.
The warmth of another body.
The reality of another body.
The...
The desire...to be found.

The fluidity of movement.
The sensitivity of touch.
The sweetness of sound.
The thrill of taste.

The loneliness.
The solitude.
The oneness.
The moment of writing this.

The anticipation of finding more in life.

The aversion of eyes to light...
What bigger rejection of life can there be?

I feel darkness, I sense it, I feel it with bare fingers in the day all around me. But my eyes, they betray me.
And what looms in the darkness?

What is the worth of a person?
What are the lines?
What sits in the pit of my hollow stomach and howls in such pain? Its screams reach my throat and paralyze it.

It isn't that I don't know who I am.
It is that I do.
It is that given I know who I am, how do I reconcile with the shortcomings of life? The largeness of me that life does not have the capability to fill?

The singlemindedness...the beautiful, pathetic, unending, singlemindedness.

The floating.
The inability to cry.
The fear of sacrilege against me.
By me.
The surrender.
The blurred vision.
The punishment.

The incredulousness of the blood in my veins.
The resistance of the thoughts in my mind.
The grief of the tears in my throat.
The lack of choice of the motion in my fingers.

The waiting... to burst forth from my cocoon.

The fallacy of logic.
The existence of non-existence.

When the anticipation of what will relieve fear is so fearful, that fear is scared away...

Pulsating.

Illusions innumerable.

"Mohit"

2008-10-16T21:12:00.001-04:00

(Written April 2007, at age 20.)

mere maun labon ke aage tham gayi teri zubaan
mere toote dil ko dekh sharma gayi teri muskaan

meri band aankhon mein jhaanke teri jo utaavli nazar
chaunk gayi, ruk gayi woh, paaye jo ashq-e-nishaan

dharti ko cheer gayi meri zinda kabr ki gehraayiaan
sajde kare usmein teri rooh ka khula aasmaan

do palon ke beech meri kahani shuroo aur khatm
kya mahtamm manaaye meri maut ka teri sadiyon ki daastaan

teri madira se "mohit" saansein kuch meethi lageen
meri hayaat-e-ghurbat-e-ishq ki hui ek mushqil aasaan

Am I Still

2008-10-16T21:09:00.000-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

am i still beautiful
when i take my earrings off?
and when tears
smear
the mascara under my eyes?
and when my bra isn't lacy?

and am i still strong
when i cry like a baby?
and when i stop in stunned fear
of what awaits silently ahead?
and when i want to give up
trying
to figure out
what i should do?

am i still alive
when i want my heart to stop
and when i feel my insides
melt in deathly shame?

Teri Aankhon Ki

2008-10-16T20:36:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

teri aankhon ki bujhti lau mein
ek talab si jaari hai
kya sazaa ho in haathon ki
jinhone apni khushi khud hi maari hai

S

2008-10-16T20:30:00.000-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

So sassy your sudden seance-like serenity,
I smile at your salty skin.
Simmering under sulking surfaces of sanguinity,
Sighs our strength as several songs spin.

Parking Lot

2008-10-16T20:29:00.002-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

Standing in a grey parking lot,
Staring through my reflection in a dark window,
Where lazy drops form arboreal streams.
My shoulders squared,
My breasts huffed.
Few strands of hair riding the air above my face.
Hands clasped behind my hip,
Feeling nothing but the arch of my lower back,
Call for you.

Tell Me (2)

2008-10-16T20:29:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

tell me your cure for a broken heart,
tell me how to end the perfect start,
tell me the words to say in my head,
to understand why i'm alone in bed.

tell me your drug for the blinding pain,
tell me how not to miss the rain,
tell me the song to sing in my mind,
to understand why it's you i can't find.

tell me your remedy for a hopeful soul,
tell me how not to wish to be whole,
tell me the reality to live in my imagination,
to understand why you are my salvation.

Would You

2008-10-16T20:27:00.000-04:00

(Written August 2006, at age 19.)

would you take if you couldn't keep?
would you kiss if you couldn't speak?
would you smile if you couldn't cry?
would you live if you couldn't die?
and would you look at me the same way
if nothing ever happened that day?
would you fingers still search for mine
when you drive that corolla, every damn time?
would your hands grope your empty sheet
hoping to find mine, hoping to meet?
would your bed always be bland to taste
without my skin, my hair, my bare waist?
tell me, would you still blink if you couldn't see?
and would you ever again trust in me?
would you sigh if you couldn't love?
would you ever believe my faith is enough?
would you touch the corners of my lips?
would you talk to me about taking long trips?
would you touch my breast and touch my heart
if i told you we will never part?
would you hold me close to you
if i promised you my deepest blue?

Beat Like This

2008-10-16T20:25:00.003-04:00

(Written June 2006, at age 19.)

life was a path of certain uncertainties,
an incessant struggle to rightly please;
a determination of hardened morals;
and a collection of tangible laurels.
achievement, indeed, felt like bliss,
before i knew a heart could beat like this

company was so greatly cherished;
conversation knowingly embellished;
bonds anew were sought and weighed;
trifles into troubles constantly made.
i believed in love and i felt amiss
before i knew a heart could beat like this

i was oblivious: that one person could steal my eyes,
conquer my mind, my heart, my sighs;
that someone could show me i was so much more
than i ever thought i could truly know.
i didn't know just what i would miss
if you didn't show me a heart could beat like this.

you brought so much beauty to me
you brought music to its melody
you are my trust, my eternal hope,
you are my will to love, my hero.
you so perfectly fill every abyss -
you, that makes my heart beat like this.

Colours

2008-10-16T20:25:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

when the reds and the yellows foolishly mingle,
and sacred oranges emerge,
the greens look sheepishly away,
and blues begin to surge.

deep purples peep meekly out,
amidst suffocating aged lavenders.
the golds burn and melt the remaining yellows,
and become rabid scavengers.

the whites forever fade away
infintely behind darker greys,
which themselves thicken to brilliant blacks
and eavesdrop on their unsung praise

parched browns await unblinkingly
for the quenching of their silver blade
and the saffons conspire with crimsons
as sparkling blues begin to pervade

Blasphemy

2008-10-16T20:23:00.000-04:00

(Written at age 19.)

dig a little scar into my bed
shoot bullet holes in my frowning back
blur the tiny whispers of smiles
that onto my lips sneakily attack

bore needles into my sleepy eyes
pluck the nails off my fingers
douse in thick red the weary happiness
that in my chest wondrously lingers

call blasphemy on its outrageous charge
shine a light in its guilty face
cut slits in its delicate wrist
until it vanishes in promised grace

19th

2008-10-16T20:21:00.000-04:00

(Written April 11, 2006, at age 19.)

wish me when the clock strikes twelve
kiss me with your furry lips
look at me with your beady black eyes
fit nicely between my fingertips
nuzzle my nose with your soft one
bring back memories naked and bare
fill the space your giver left
love me tonight, my poochie bear

Tell Me (1)

2008-10-16T20:20:00.000-04:00

(Written March 2006, at age 18.)

tell me baby that when times are rough
and when things at home go sour and bad
you don't feel a little lonely
you don't go back to conversations we had

tell me that when you go to sleep
you don't feel my mouth on your lips
you don't feel my body rustle beside yours
you don't feel my arms around your hips

tell me that when you see your bed
i'm not lying half-dressed across its grace
you don't feel me pull you down
roll over, and let my hair fall over your face

tell me that every time you drive
you don't miss all the "slow down"s i said
you don't miss my fingers tugging at your hand
you don't miss the kiss at every red

tell me that every time you see your reflection
the colours in your eyes don't remind you
of me falling in love with them
of sinking in them, through and through

i know i made a mistake, baby
bigger than any you ever made
you know i'd undo it if i could
but that's already sealed in my fate

i'm sorrier than you'll ever know
that i ever caused you a moment of pain
but baby you mean the world to me
come back and keep me from going insane

otherwise tell me baby, just tell me now
that you're truly happier without me
that you can see yourself with someone else
that you'll find love truer than me

i can't promise i'll give up hope
but it'll make me smile anyway
to see you happy and satisfied
just what you deserve, in every way

it'll make me smile anyway
when i think of the times we've shared
you can't take back what you've already given
the times that you have really cared

but first darling just tell me
that it isn't my skin you remember
that it ain't my body, my lips, my hair,
that we aren't meant to be together

My Man

2008-10-16T20:19:00.002-04:00

(Written March 2006, at age 18.)

walk beside me, my rain man,
hold your umbrella above my head,
drench me, instead, by touching me,
soak me along the paths we tread.

walk beside me, my sun man,
hold up a shade to my face,
brighten me, instead, by looking in my eyes,
light my heart up in every place.

walk beside me, my wind man,
hold a screen in front of me,
calm me, instead, with your whispers,
invigorate me as much as can be.

walk beside me, my invisible man,
hold my hand and never let go of it,
come so close we become one,
make me believe that you exist.

The Beauty of Your Eyes

2008-10-16T20:19:00.001-04:00

(Written January 5, 2006, at age 18.)

I believe in the beauty of your eyes,
I believe in hesitant truths more than fervent lies,
I believe in stubbornness, and the occasional compromise,
I believe in the wind when a bird flies,
I believe in a struggle when someone tries,
I believe in the wit of the wise,
I believe in sometimes hiding in disguise,
I believe in the rigid's demise,
I believe in the blackness of stormy skies,
I believe in life when someone dies,
I believe, foolishly, in love's guise,
I believe in you in handsome ties,
But most of all
I believe in the beauty of your eyes.

Walk Home

2008-10-16T20:18:00.001-04:00

(Written September 9, 2005, at age 18.)

there are these moments
which seem to be born from an infinitesimal particle
in your heart
and which grow
and encompass your heart
and expand
into all that is
around you.
the ground that you walk on
is like mush,
the air you attempt to tread,
like thick batter.
you feel your stomach
hollow.
you haven't eaten in over 18 hours.
you feel your legs,
their muscles,
flexing,
to keep you moving.
every sensation so much more vivid
and yet
so dulled.
you have a life to live...
work to do,
assignments to finish,
things to accomplish,
but it is all so far away.
when you love someone,
you think of him day and night,
and when you feel insecure,
when you think of her
in his classes,
and asking him to come to those classes,
so she doesn't have to sit alone,
and you laugh silently
and bitterly
at the irony
of how many classes you have had to sit alone in,
when you think of her,
and him
away from you,
that,
that is the end of you.
pink shirts, cyan tank tops, blue jeans, beige skirts,
chunky jewellery, dark brown sunglasses,
flower printed summery bags,
green trees,
black road,
overload of colour.
people's footsteps on the pavement,
friends chattering,
people talking on cellphones,
crickets chirping,
overload of sound.
the only thing you're missing is touch.
you are disconnected.
out of touch.
out of his touch.
but his touch
does not even seem right right now.
pang of pain in your stomach,
the cramps are back.
you keep walking.
you are afraid you will see someone you know,
you will have to twist your lips
into a smile,
open your mouth and make a sound,
hear them speak directly to you,
their voice ripping the thick blanket
of void
you have wrapped tightly around you.
you wonder
if you would be able
to simply blink
and walk by
if someone talked to you.
you realize your lips feel dry
and stuck together.
you move your tongue,
and wet them.
you feel your empty stomach again.
right at the top of slope,
you see
a guy sitting
beginning to dial something on his cellphone.
you want to sit there too,
at the end of level ground,
at the beginning of a drop,
on the green grass,
close your eyes,
and never have to open them again.
but you realize you haven't stopped.
you keep moving.
down the steps,
and along the path down the slope.
on the road at the bottom,
you see
two white limouzines,
one longer, one shorter.
and then you see
a wedding party crossing the road
to under the arch.
the back of the bride, in white,
along with the groom, in black.
and the bridesmaids, wearing crimson.
crimson.
their milky white skin.
they look clothed in blood.
the colour is rich,
heavy,
alive,
dangerous.
you reach the arch and as you walk through
you see the bride
in a strapless white beautiful gown,
the eyeshadow on her eyelids.
she looks beautiful.
as you walk by
behind her
you notice
how narrow her waist is
how well the dress fits her.
you smile to yourself.
you think of marriage.
you wonder if she is really happy,
committing to live her life with someone else.
you wonder if you will ever have that.
down the steps,
closer to home.
thoughts recede a little.
you wonder if you will remember all you have thought
on this walk.
you wonder if you will be able to get it all down on paper.
you wonder if anyone
anyone
will ever truly know you,
your thoughts,
your feelings,
you.
you wonder if he knew you.
you realize no.
he didn't know you.
and now you have this him to think about.
you wonder if he will know you.
you realize
no.
no one will ever really know you.
you are just one of those people
that cannot be known.
it hits you how lonely you are.
as you reach your building,
someone you know walks out the front.
she says hi.
you do not blink and walk by.
you smile and say hi back.
she asks if you want to come study on the slope with her.
you lie and say
no, you're going to sleep.
four flights of stairs to climb.
just up the first
and your legs already hurt.
at the third
and your breath comes short.
you're there.
you walk by the common room
and four people you know
sitting there and playing mario party.
you should say hi.
but you walk by
towards your room.
they don't say hi either.
you wonder if that still hurts.
you come into your room,
and look at the time,
to see whether he'd still be in class.
you're not sure.
he has a tutorial right now,
you don't know whether it's being held or not.
you turn your computer on.
you change out of your jeans and t-shirt
into an even looser t-shirt
so you don't feel hot.
you've had one of those days.
where everything's gone wrong.
you wonder if it's worth trying to fix.
you look at the computer,
and wonder what you want to do.
you should do work.
but sleep is so tempting.
you are not sleepy.
but sleep is so tempting.
you open dc++
and begin downloading the new episode of O.C.
you look at your computer again
and wonder if you'd remember everything you just thought.
you wonder,
and then start to type this.

Tears Made of Diamonds

2008-10-16T20:17:00.001-04:00

(Written July 27, 2005, at age 18.)

scraping my insides
struggling to get out
showering from my eyes
drawing blood
...scarlet staining the glint of purity...

running along
pausing
dancing at the edge
of soft black eyelashes
...fleeting shimmer on the dark feathers of doom...

dropping without warning
or desire
falling on velvety skin
smoldering its very texture
...digesting the fabric of life...

Fairytale Love

2008-10-16T20:16:00.000-04:00

(Written June 11, 2005, at age 18.)

Fairytales have long been told
Of perfect love, glorious and true.
Naivete in your heart you hold,
If you believe this, as you do.

No love exists, profane or pure,
No love exists, as all idealize,
No love exists, disease or cure,
No love exists, beyond the eyes.

It existed once, in times unlike this,
Oh it existed, in all its pride,
It existed when humanity wasn't amiss,
In goodness, it happily thrived.

But today when things mean more than people,
And selfishness and greed are rampant,
The essence of love has dwindled to dead from feeble,
The guileless attachment of hearts has been dampened.

No one has time today, to sit back and let their eyelids droop,
No one has time today, to look at the blue sky, the pigeon, the dove.
No one has time today, to be completely smitted, to feel their heart swoop,
No one has time today, to belong to someone else, to be in love.

Alternate Universe

2008-10-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

(Written February 24, 2005, at age 17.)

it was bitterly cold, and all was white,
snowflakes fell, obscuring sight.
they held hands and silently walked,
no voices heard, their hearts talked.
a perfect sheet of snow, the ground bled,
stained by their footsteps as they tread
and slowed and stopped for but a moment,
to turn, touch lips, the air potent.
not needing to speak, they knew,
and as the winter whirled, and the wind blew,
as one they moved again, in rhythm steady,
their breathing in perfect synchrony.
in beauty they walked, slowly further,
with each other they walked, to each other.

We

2008-10-16T20:04:00.000-04:00

(Written in 2004, at age 17.)

To love, and to cherish,
To weaken, and to perish,
To know, and to believe,
To hurt, and to deceive,
To be human, to make mistakes,
To correct them, to raise the stakes,
To take with humility, and to give without thought,
To give up, relinquish, that which must be sought,
In this good and bad,
When we are happy and sad,
We reach out and hold,
And are warm in the cold,
Because we know we must further,
Because we have each other,
Because we must try,
We...you and I.

(Originally, the last 2 lines of the poem were as follows:
Because we know we can,
We...woman and man.)

(Untitled Series)

2008-10-16T02:09:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16.)

The vision is but a perception, slave to the petty mind,
Introduce yourself to something new, and it changes its kind,
The soul lies too deep within the cacophony of reality,
To be changed, altered, cast in blasphemy,
It is like music, satisfied, saturated, blisfully blind,
Not seeking anything, not wanting to find,
Its all is itself, its all is YOU,
In its paradigm your being is tenaciously true,
So hard to reach, so hard to preach,
And thus it what we all beseech,
To seek our true selves, untouched, pure,
To see ourselves, confident, sure,
No solution lies in vision alone,
For unfortunately our senses are too prone,
To lie, deceive and tell us false,
To answer to the material world's becks and calls

And yet, as dependable as the soul may be,
As far away from the arms of engulfing reality,
My soul's been profaned, a love too harsh,
That led me on in a beautiful farce,
I live now, unwillingly, in faltering hope,
Wishing somehow to catch a rope,
That will take me to life, or to death,
That will save my soul from each painful breath.

When we trust we give too much,
No one is worth our celestial touch,
Each to himself, that's how it is
Fake is a hug, faker a kiss,
Why do we build bonds and ties?
Relationships are a bunch of lies,
Life is ephemeral, waiting to end,
Nothing lasts, no love, no friend.

Beauty, meant to be a thing to please,
To bring a smile, to put a mind to ease,
Is just one more way we lay down,
To let ourselves be pushed around.
I prefer being ugly, just the way I am,
No expectations I might break, no hopes I may slam.
The beauty in ugliness is what is true,
The beauty in pain is realised by few,
These beauties I embrace,
In them I hide my face,
I give myself to them, in sheer whole,
Knowing I'll never again see my soul,
I relish in the thought of a bondless existance,
Basking in the prospect of no petty persistance,
Of annoying laughter and nagging happiness,
Of dreams of living without any stress.
I exist as hollow as my heart was made,
I exist as an item of a fair trade
Between life and death.
An ounce of exchange in each breath.

A beacon of light,
An embodiment of night.
The white in black,
The progress in looking back,
The pleasure in pain's neverending folds,
Such are the treasures my lonely life holds.

Desert

2008-10-16T02:06:00.000-04:00

(Written at age 17.)

In the burning desert, I walk,
Eyes ablaze with the sun,
Feet blistering on each grain of parched sand,
Mouth moistureless in the dry air.

I stop.

I close my eyes,
And see the ocean stretch before me.
I dig my feet deep,
And feel the water lick my skin.
I roll my tongue,
And taste the cool blue kiss my throat.

I open my eyes, lift my feet, lick my lips,
And walk on.

Searching

2008-10-16T02:05:00.002-04:00

(Written May 2004, at age 17.)

I look at the blur in the mirror and try to find my face,
I breathe in the unloving chaos and seek solace,
I turn to my friends, my mother, my inviting bed,
But alas, I know, I'll be at peace once I'm dead.

Ghaleez Se Khyaalon Mein

2008-10-16T02:05:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

ghaleez se khyaalon mein,
moti se tum...
ghubaar-e-halaat mein,
hum ishq mein gum...
maut se dhuli raat mein,
chaand tabassum...
takht-e-udaasi mein,
ek muskuraati khaanum...
murjhaayi hui zindagi mein,
khilkhilaata jahannum...

Woh Ishq Ke Raaston Ko

2008-10-16T02:04:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

woh ishq ke raaston ko mod chale
har bandhan har vaada tod chale
unki bewafaai sehni padi seh li
par ye kya ki maut bhi humein chhod chale

Murjhaate To Hain Phool Bhi

2008-10-16T02:04:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

murjhaate to hain phool bhi
phir hum kya cheez hain
aashiqon ke ghar ki
deewangi ki dehleez hain
ishq ka nateeja hain hum
zehar ki tameez hain
hansi ki gunjti hawaon mein
hum dard ki gareez hain
doston ke hoke raqeeb hum
ab adoo ke azeez hain
aisi pareshaan haalat mein
gar maut ke mareez hain
to murjhaate to hain phool bhi
phir hum kya cheez hain

Yeh Toofan To Dekho Zara

2008-10-16T02:03:00.004-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

yeh toofan to dekho zara
sochta hai bhiga jaayega humein
koi bataye to isko ki humpe baras ke bhi
jala hua hi paayega humein
is kadar aag lagi thi ki apne paani se
koi sukoon, koi chain na la paayega humein
abr dikha kar, chuaakar,
bas aur jalaayega humein
humein chot aur namak tofaa mila hai
kya muh lekar manaayega humein?
keh do isse ummeed karna chhod de
ki ab khushiyaan laakar bhi sirf sataayega humein

Hai Chaandni Mein Bhi

2008-10-16T02:03:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

hai chandni mein bhi ghanaa andhera
gar ho na tera saath
koi bataaye humein kyon hain zulfein humari
gar ho na in mein tera haath

Bahut Lambe Ho Rahe Hain

2008-10-16T02:03:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

bahut lambe ho rahe hain din aaj kal
bas ek tanha akeli shaam de
unki yaadon ki ghaeraat mein
chal saqi ek to jaam de
is beymaani si duniya mein yeh bevajah si hayaat
koi to humein kuch to kaam de
kahin jahan bas khud par kaaboo rahe
koi humein aisa maqaam de
jaante nahi hum kya gunah kiya hai humne
par khuda tu yunhi humein auqaat-e-paashemaan de
chhod gaye jo bina palat kar dekhe
unhein ai hawa humara ek salaam de
jeete hain ab bhi unki yaadon ke sahaare
ai fiza unko yeh bhi zara payaam de
thake honge woh bahut ki bewafaai aasaan nahi
humein beshak bekaraari, unhein zaroor aaraam de
maana khaye hain zakhm bade unse,
par unhe na kabhi naam beyimaan de
pyar hua bhi to insaan nahi farishte se hua,
ab hum kaise farishte ko bewafa ka naam de
gustakhi humari ki zehen mein bhi laaye unka khyaal
ya allah humaari jalan ko kabhi na inteqaam de
kiya hai jurm sache pyar aur aitbaar ka,
ai naseeb tu phir mujhe bewafai ka hi inaam de

Teri Bewafaai

2008-10-16T02:02:00.004-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

pyaari hai teri bewafaai bhi ki hai to yeh humaari wafa ki gawah

Maut Bhi Kaisi

2008-10-16T02:02:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

maut bhi kaisi kamaal cheez hai
apne paraaye sabko bulaati hai
jiski ek nazar ko taras gaya marne vala
uske jaane ke baad un nazron mein aansoo laati hai

Maangte Hum Kuch Aur Nahin

2008-10-16T02:02:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

maangte hum kuch aur nahi
ek nazar dekh lo humein kinaare se
maangte hum kuch aur nahi
ji lenge hum us ek nazar ke sahaare se

Maut Se Ab Kya Darr

2008-10-16T02:01:00.005-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

maut se ab kya dar...
jis maut ko hum har din har pal ji chuke
jis maut ko hum jaam banaakar pi chuke
jo maut bhi humein thukra chali
jo maut bhi humse vafaa na kar saki
us maut se ab kya dar...

Jaao Ab

2008-10-16T02:01:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

jaao ab kya bataaein hum, tum humare liye kaun ho...

Uljhi Latein

2008-10-16T02:01:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

uljhi latein suljhaaein to kaise
aapke khyaal kabhi chhoot te hi nahi
hosh mein hum rahein to kaise
aapki yaadon ke silsile kabhi toot te hi nahi

Kya Haasil Hoga

2008-10-16T02:00:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

kya haasil hoga humein gar
maang bhi lein dua marne ke liye
ki maut ke baad bhi jeena padega humein
sirf unse mohabbat karne ke liye

Yeh Jo Humaari

2008-10-16T01:59:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

yeh jo humari hasti hai mit jaaye magar
aapse kabhi door na ho
aap bhi humein utna hi chaahein jitna hum aapko chaahte hain
aisa jaanleva suroor na ho

Bewafaai

2008-10-16T01:58:00.002-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

mere har aansoon se chhalakti hai teri bewafai
meri har saans mein mehekti hai teri bewafai
meri har aahat mein lehrati hai teri bewafai
mere janaaze se cheekh cheekh ke kehti hai teri bewafai
ki kaatil hoon main, kaatil hoon main....

Khafa Ho Jab

2008-10-16T01:58:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

khafaa hote ho jab tum humse to lagta hai yun ki humara apna dil humare andar rehna nahi chahta...

Itne Doobe The

2008-10-16T01:57:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

itne doobe the hum teri pyar ki yaad aur bewafai ke gham mein ki maut ne bhi aisi deewani ko aazmane se inkaar kar diya

Pyaar Bhi Ajab

2008-10-16T01:57:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

pyar bhi ajab zindagi se ek samjhauta hai,
chot unhe lagti hai, dard humein hota hai

Woh The To

2008-10-16T01:50:00.003-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

woh the to maut bhi manzoor thi humein, par kaise mar paayenge hum unki bawafaai ka gham lekar

Dosti

2008-10-16T01:50:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

dosti ki nahin jaati, ho jaati hai,
zindagi to iske bine jaise kho jaati hai

Jo Tumhaare

2008-10-16T01:49:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

Jo Tumhare Saikdon Deewane Hain,
Deewane Hum Ek Aur Sahi,
Jab Maut Bhi Humein Thukra Chali,
Tumhara Gham Ek Aur Sahi...

Maana Mohobbat

2008-10-16T01:47:00.002-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

maana mohabbat tadpati hai,
us tadap ki pyaas apni jagah,
maana mohabbat dil dukhati hai,
us dard ki mithhaas apni jagah

Dil Se Dil Ka

2008-10-16T01:47:00.001-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

dil se dil ka mel hai,
na mamuli sa koi khel hai,
dil ka sachha yaar hai,
mere dost yeh ishq mohabbat pyar hai

Tum Nahin Jaante

2008-10-16T01:46:00.002-04:00

(Written at age 16-17.)

Tum Nahi Jaante Kya Kar Gaye Hain Hum,
Tumse Pyar Kar Gaye Hain Hum,
Itna Dard Hoga Na Socha Tha Humne,
Jane Kyon Tumpe Bharosa Rakha Tha Humne