Dibs

(Written January 6, 2011, 3:30 am, at age 23.)

I stuck a knife in my chest above my ribs,
You dragged it in a circle, opened me up and called dibs.
I said what was there wouldn't be enough for you,
You said I could never fall short and you'd be mine, too.

I was a cynic and doubted too much,
You were rightly fed up with my tantrums and such.
I kept my cynicism but started letting go of the doubt,
You began smiling and said trust is what it's all about.

I started to love and started to fear,
You never knew because I never let you near.
I stepped out and did something wrong,
You said you no longer knew who I was all along.

I knew my stupidity had been as certain as a fact,
You said your heart didn't feel intact.
I said we'd get over what had been,
You didn't believe we'd get past the trauma of seventeen.

I asked you to give time a chance to heal,
You said time wouldn't change how you feel.
I started to beg and started to cry,
You tired of talking, then said goodbye.

I stuck a knife in my chest above my ribs,
You dragged it in a circle, opened me up and called dibs.
I was right when I said I wouldn't be able to keep you,
You were wrong when you promised me I would, too.