Make or Break

(Written September 26, 2012, at 10:00 pm.)

You found some part of me I didn't know was there.
You gave it blood and you gave it air.
Then you left and it turned to stone,
And I learned that we are all alone.

You told me that when push came to shove,
I could always rely on love.
Then you moved on from this,
And proved that transience is part of bliss.

You taught me hope and taught me to believe,
That when we are willing to give, we will receive.
Then you showed that willingness to give doesn't last,
And the best can often be lost in the past.

You convinced me that unconditional exists,
And through ups and downs, love persists.
Then you proved that forgiveness is an order tall,
That mistakes of a moment can end it all.

And I'm just now wondering:

Am I better off having felt your kiss?
Or worse off aware of what I miss?

Am I better off knowing that there's love in hearts?
Or worse off knowing it ends as easily as it starts?

Did you make me?
Or did you break me?

Dead Stars

(Written September 24, 2012, at 3:15 am.)

Every dead star in the sky is us.
No longer extant,
But reaching across time to the present.

Friendship

(Written August 13, 2012, at 1:40 pm.)

Friendship is an interesting proposition,
Meant to share in one's true condition.
But life brought cynicism, and cynicism reserve,
And reserve many bumps along a presumed smooth curve.

Many thought to be fixtures walked out with a strut.
And I was left bumbling with a "what the fuck" and a "but."
Guards went up like a dick on the blue pill.
And I'd sooner freeze than learn to chill.

Yet somehow friends find a way through,
And just when you want to be alone they stick like glue.
Maybe the glue will fade and they will also be lost.
But for now I lurrrrrve them with abandon and accost.

Time

(Written August 11, 2012, at 2:17 am.)

I can feel time seep through my pores.
Does it pass through unaffected?
Like light through a vacuum?
Or do I change it the slightest bit?
Some little traces of me scattering through a confused eternity?

I can feel it on my skin and in my flesh and bones.
It tingles.
Is time like a ghost,
Long dead,
Unseeable,
Unknowable,
Lost and trying to find its way through the universe,
Seeking its fun in making people squirm
As it runs through them?

And when it sometimes stops,
An unshakable chill settles comfortably
In the molecules of air closest to me.
The little bubble of warped time
Throwing reality off balance.

But the bubble pops,
And I'm left wondering
If cessation of eternity
Could end an eternity of cessation.

Death (2)

(Written on August 6, 2012, at 6:50 am.)

death descends in the form of half a black label
death descends in the form of nothing good on cable
death descends in the form of taboo acts
death descends in the form of inalienable facts

death descends in waves of breathlessness
death descends in waves of inexplicable caresses
death descends in waves of sickness of stomach
death descends in waves of unfathomable luck

death descends in gulps of ill advised sips
death descends in gulps of desirous lips
death descends in gulps of more than one untenable thought
death descends in gulps of something surreptitiously sought

death descends in the blanket of a rusted mesh
death descends in the blanket of a confused flesh
death descends in the blanket of an uncertain dawn
death descends in the blanket of a heart recently torn

death then escapes with a little more than much less
death then escapes with the slightest tease of success
death then escapes with a wicked smile on its face
death then escapes leaving behind barely a trace

(Untitled)

(Written August 6, 2012, at 2:04 am.)

do you think you could find it in your heart
to break me into little pieces
that you could carry around in your pocket?
i promise not to bother you
or make it any more difficult to find your keys
amongst sticks of gum and credit cards.
i promise that i'll find a way
to be strong enough to survive washing machines
so you don't have to take care of me.
i promise that being with you always
is the last thing i'll ever ask for.

(Untitled)

(Written July 1, 2012, at 1:30 am.)

Every star in the forsaken sky is a memory of you and me.
Every passing cloud an attempt at taking people's advice to move on.
Every sip of wine is the you in me trying to break free.
Every drag of smoke an endeavor to let the past be gone.

The bristling leaves are signaling your breath in my mouth.
The immutable tree the reality of your life.
The Merlot tries to dissolve the truth.
The cigarette reminds me that someone else will be your wife.

All the white birds are your teeth on my skin.
All the navy of sky beyond your true love.
The wine corrodes the walls of being within.
The smoke rebuilds those walls around and above.

The light chars the existence of us, but can't obliterate it.
The darkness tries to hide it but fails.
The last sip of wine is all I have of you.
The puff is smoke tries to blur it, but sees it and wails.