Someday

Someday
(Written July 6, 2011, at 4:55 am.)

someday
i'm going to walk
into [his] wedding
and [someday into his] wedding
and smile
until my jaw gives way
and crumbles
maybe then, then the rest of me will crumble will, too
and i will be one with the earth
that will soon be one with the sun
and i will go up in a flame of love
smouldering in pain and a final cry of lust
and the smoke will be final sign
of all i once felt
and all that i never will again

swallowed whole in a gulp of non-existence
vanished
and vanquished
forevermore
in the names of those i cannot forget