Change

(Written May 2001, at age 14.)

When my mind clogs with past memories,
When my eyes blur with tears,
When I cannot but wonder about the future,
When I face unknown fears,

I think why must I leave those I love?
Why should I go amongst those who don’t know me?
That a person needs to be with near and dear ones,
Why can’t this fact the world see?

But maybe I am in the flow of emotions,
Maybe it is only a psychological resistance,
Maybe it is I who needs to be corrected,
Maybe change is the cause for existence.

Tears from Heaven

(Written April 2001, at age 14.)

I was staring outside the window
As the train swayed in awkward movements.
Through the pitter-pattering drops on the window
I saw ever-stretching fields, dotted with trees,
Never-ending skies.

Ever-stretching.
Just like the hands of friendship were in the land I have left and come,
Dotted with the certain black moments of a relationship.
A fight, a misunderstanding.
But the dots created hardly a speck on the strength of the friendship.

Never-ending.
Just like the memories of a place that was heaven for me,
Not because of the place that it was, but because of the people it had for me.
Because of how important those people are and will be to me.
Yes, heaven it was.
A heaven no other place, however beautiful, can ever create again.

As each drop fell on the window,
It collected other drops and flowed down the screen
Creating a stream on the window,
The mark of which remained after so many other drops fell on it.

People came into my life, who helped me become me.
Their mark shall always remain on my heart.
Always.

And then I realised.
The skies were crying for me.

The Missing Beat

(Written March 2001, at age 14.)

The music blasts in my ears,
Their chattering not a trifle bit too loud.
The sound of their feet thumping on the ground as they dance
Synchronizes with my heartbeat and gives it a rhythm.

I sit opposite them all,
On the bed,
Scribbling this.
Thoughts flood my mind.
Their happiness and enjoyment is too perfectly in tune with the music.
Why do I feel so lost,
So incomprehensive of my feelings
Amidst all this?

Maybe because I know this is the last time I am to witness their moods in action,
The last time I see them swaying, each in their own uniquely special way, to the music,
The last time I will be amongst them.

These realizations,
Along with the confusing mixture of feelings that comes along with them
Have a unique effect on me.

The blurred fog of emotions clears
And I see these words vivid and sharp in my mind -
I will miss them.