Before You Go

(Written at age 16.)

before its done, before you go,
i need u to stop, i need u to know,
how badly i wanted you, how badly i wanted this,
how much i pined for that one first kiss,
and when it came, swept me off my feet,
my knees went weak, my heart ceased to beat,
and then the first time you touch my neck,
i was hesitant, but that was gone in less than a sec,
i was ready to succumb, i was ready to give,
all i wanted was to be myself, to live,
to be held delicately and feel treasured,
not to be looked at, judged and measured.
i gave up a lot, and asked for a little,
i just wanted my friendships, strong, not brittle.
you couldn't give me that, i know it was hard,
but did u have to leave me so badly scarred?
you didn't go through less, but i went through more
i let u change me, i opened that door.
my friends lost faith, and i lost hope,
but the one thing i hung on to was that rope
which tied me to you, and i believed it would stay
i didn't realize so badly it would fray
that you would have to tell me we're through
that you'd say "i don't want to have anything to do with you"
but i guess this is the way its going to be
i'm going to have to kill that part of me
that wished for eternity in your arms
and for which your hug served as all balms
i know this probably isn't easy for you either
and we've both been through a lot, we both need a breather
i just wish the breather dint have to be an end
and that we dint have to break, just mould and bend
i want to tell you for once and for all
i loved you a lot, and i dint want to crawl
out of this relationship in such a sad way
but this is how it is, and now i'll pray
that you know how much i'll miss you
and without you, i'll be very blue
i'll even miss the pain, very very much
and i'll relive till i die, ur every touch