Music

(Written at age 16.)

the music blares,
it dares
to fill the air
fill my ears
fill me
with nothing but itself.
i am void of all
save the rhythm that becomes one
with my heartbeat.
i feel no need,
no want,
no wish,
no desire.
it is gone -
the agony, the confusion,
every human emotion.
my blood throbs,
revitalized,
by the sheerness,
the mereness,
of sound.
i resound
in echoes
streching out, all around me.
i seek to be,
to see,
in this beautiful haze.
this haze,
which has so kindly
obliterated
the ugliness, the deformity
of life,
and brought with it
its own kind of pain -
a gain, a sinister gain.
i am flooded,
i am lost.
in this sea,
in its waves,
time raves.
i live.
i am so full
(of what?)
i am so empty
(it is so beautiful to be empty)
the beats become slow.
no!
the waves cannot recede now,
they must stay,
i am whole, somehow.
i cry, i implore,
don't ebb, don't go.
stay, so i can be empty, and full,
and love
without being tinted.
alas it finishes.
it ends.
please!
but it is deaf
to my frantic appeal.
silence.
i lie
drained
of myself.